A few days ago I posted about the biphobic comments that appeared on DIVA’s facebook wall when they asked about lesbians, bisexuals and dating. Well, the article is in the current issue of DIVA and they have this teaser up on their website:
Bye, biphobia
Can lesbians and bisexuals find love together?
Dr Meg Barker is a senior lecturer in psychology and a relationships therapist at the Lesbian and Gay Foundation in Manchester. She is also one of the authors of The Bisexuality Report (published in February), which examines bisexual invisibility and exclusion.
When it comes to dating, Barker points out, one of the issues is that “bisexual” is a an umbrella term covering everyone from bi-curious straight girls, whose interest is experimental, to women who acknowledge their attraction to men but are mostly drawn to other women. Both these kinds of women may call themselves bisexual but will probably relate very differently to lesbians and the LGBT community.
In most cases, lesbians who avoid dating bi women say that it is their own bad experiences that put them off, while bi women describe the pain of rejection by those who see their identity label as a danger sign.
It’s important to recognise that everyone’s experience is real, says Barker. “We need to understand what it’s like from both sides; that’s the answer here, for lesbian partners or potential partners to tune in and imagine what it might be like to feel distrusted or told you can’t really claim your identity.
“At the same time, the bi partners need to reflect on what it might be like to be with somebody who is constantly saying that they’ve got this identity that makes it feel like they might not be there in the future. Why might a lesbian partner who’s had some of those experiences in the past be a bit distrustful and struggling? What might you do to reassure them? It’s about empathy really.”
Read the rest of this feature in the April issue of DIVA
I’m very, very disappointed. This is a gross misrepresentation of what happened in that thread. I saw one single comment from a bi woman who was adverse to dating lesbians because she’d had horrible experiences with biphobia in the past - this after seven very biphobic comments, including the unforgettable “I wouldn’t go near a bi girl cus i dont want box germs passing on to me from there men:-(:-( rank.com.”
What I saw was a lot of horrible comments from lesbians, and then a lot of bisexuals and lesbians objecting to the horrible biphobic things that were said. Nobody denounced all lesbians as “narrow minded bigots.”
She’s trying to present both sides of this argument as equally horrible when that’s just not the truth. Bisexuals were defending themselves. How can “hey, you’re saying some horrible things, we have feelings too” ever compare to “bisexuals are full of STDs”? To “I don’t want to be with a woman who’s slept with a man?” To “there’s no such thing as a bisexual?” I have major problems with the last paragraph, too, but I’m too tired to unpack my feelings about it right now.
Another thing that bothers me: the tone of this article. It seems to say that things are somehow magically getting better. Really? When biphobic comments like that are concidered acceptable by so many people? When DIVA don’t even care about their bisexual readership to delete even the most horrible ones? Bull. Shit.
Of course, I have no idea how the rest of the article goes. Apparently you can get a free digital issue if you dowload their iPhone/iPad app from the apple app store. I have no apple products. Is there anyone out there who does and would be willing to download this and share at least the gist of the article?
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